17 Things You Can Do That Make Other People Instantly Like You
Updated: Apr. 23, 2019Want to be more likable? Buy yourself a gift and skip the Tylenol.
Look them in the eyes but don’t be creepy about it
Strong, consistent—but not creepy!—eye contact immediately makes you seem more approachable, friendly, interested, and likable, according to research done by Northwestern University. In fact, the amount of eye contact made was the most important factor in how likable the person was perceived by others, they found.
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When you buy a friend a gift, get yourself one too
People are attracted to others they perceive as being like them and one way to show similarity is to have the same taste in things, according to a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. People who gave someone a gift with a card that said “I hope you like this! I got myself the same one too!” were seen as more likable than if they gave the gift with a neutral card like “Hope you enjoy!” And hey, it’s a win-win—you both get something fun!
Shut up your inner critic
Too many people assume that there’s something wrong with them, that they “just aren’t likable,” says Julie C Kull, LCSW, a therapist at Kull Counseling, LLC. But the problem isn’t you, it’s the way you’re thinking about yourself, she explains. This negative thought can turn into a cycle where you think you aren’t likable so you act like people won’t like you and then they fulfill your expectations, she says. Instead, challenge that thought and look for evidence that people do like you, she says.
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Nod along while someone is talking
Nothing makes you less likable than if you appear as if you’re not paying attention to the other person. One way to show your interest without interrupting? Nod every once in a while while they are speaking. People who nodded increased their likability by about 30 per cent and their approachability by 40 per cent, according to a study published in Perception.
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Subtly mimic the other person’s behaviours
Fact: We like those who are like us. One way to signal that you are similar to someone else—and instantly make them like you more—is to lightly mimic their behaviours, according to a study published in Psychological Science. No one is saying to totally ape the other person, but adopting a similar posture, gestures, or speaking style can help you appear more likable.
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Touch them twice
Giving someone a pat on the back, a handshake, a high five, or a light touch on the arm can make you appear more empathetic and likable, according to the Northwestern University study. But there’s a trick: Any more than three touches appeared forced and had the opposite effect, making the person doing the touching seem suspicious and less likable.
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Radiate happiness
If you’re happy and you know it—show it! People automatically like happy people, according to a meta-analysis published in the APA’s Psychological Bulletin. When people feel happy, they appear confident, optimistic, and energetic, which makes others find them instantly likable, they found.
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Let your feelings fly (a little)
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable by allowing some of your feelings to come through when you’re talking can make you more likable, according to a study done by the University of Washington. Sympathy is a very basic way in which we are connected to other people, and showing emotion allows others to sympathize with you, they explained.
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Have a treat every once in a while in the office meeting
People who ate healthily were seen as more disciplined in general but were also presumed to be less likable, according to a study done by the University of Helsinki. It may be that adhering to a strict diet may make others feel judged (regardless of whether you actually are). Plus, eating is a social activity. You don’t have to binge junk food but if you want to fit in with others, let yourself enjoy a social treat every now and then.
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Build other people up
Find something to compliment about other people, even if they aren’t in the room at the time—not only will it build others up but it will make you seem more likable as well, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “Seeing others positively reveals our own positive traits,” the researchers wrote.
Skip the water cooler gossip
Engaging in gossip about others may make you feel like you’re part of the popular crowd but it may make you seem less trustworthy and likable overall, according to the JPSP study. “What you say about others, says a lot about you,” they wrote. Instead, keep your focus on the positive.
Organize a happy hour
Familiarity = likability is a fundamental principle of social psychology. Basically, the more familiar people are with someone—as in, the more time they’ve spent together—the more they report liking them. You can take it too far (See: helicopter parents or ultra-clingy friends), but if you want people to like you, one of the easiest ways to do that is to simply be around them more often, according to a separate study.
Don’t take a Tylenol
This is a weird one but hear us out: People who took acetaminophen (the active ingredient in the painkiller Tylenol) had less empathy for others, according to a study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience. The drug reduces your ability to see and relate to other people’s mental and physical distress, making you less empathetic overall. Since people like those who empathize with them, the drug may be making you seem less likable.
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Ask for a small favour
“Helping questions will make you seem instantly more likable because people love to be helpful and when someone helps you it forms a natural bond,” Dawn Maslar, MS, an author and social biologist. The key is to make the request something that can be done quickly and easily without too much inconvenience, like asking for help getting something off a high shelf, opening a door for you when your arms are full or holding something while you look through your wallet.
Tell a groan-worthy dad joke
Silly jokes are disarming, helping people feel at ease in your presence, but they also work on a biological level, Maslar says. Laughing releases oxytocin, also known as “the bonding hormone,” which makes you seem more likable, she explains.
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Ask for their opinion
People love nothing more than to share their opinion and so if you ask them to share their thoughts on something relevant to your situation, they’ll often be happy to tell you and will be left with a more positive impression of you, Maslar says. Remember, it’s not about getting the right answer or even an opinion you’ll use, it’s about forming a bond with the other person and helping them feel heard, she adds.
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Just be yourself
All of this advice can be stressful, especially if you’re already worried about not being liked. That’s why it’s so important to remember that at the end of the day, people will like you for being you, says Kayce Hodos, a licensed professional counsellor. “Ultimately, you can’t make people like you so just be yourself,” she says. “Spend time doing things that make you happy and healthy, and others will respond to that.”
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