100+ Work Jokes to Get You Through the Week
In need of some professional motivation? This hilarious collection of work jokes should banish even a serious case of the Mondays.
Today at work, a woman got huffy with me because she didn’t know that sabre-toothed cats are extinct and thought the museum would have a live one on display. —@Addison_Peacock
A friend of mine was getting to know his new co-workers when one of them asked why he left his old job. “It was something my boss said,” my friend replied.
“What did your boss say?” the co-worker asked.
“You’re fired.” —Distractify.com
These tweets about driving will make you laugh out loud!
Strategy for Success
I have a phone interview today, and someone told me to just be myself, so I’m not going to answer the call. —@caithuls
Here are 20 corny Star Wars jokes for any occasion.
The business I work for had a dinner for all of its employees and invited all their family members to come along. Before the first speech, the host made an announcement: “We kindly ask you to please put all cellphones and children on vibrate.” —GreatCleanJokes.com
Comedians reveal their favourite jokes ever.
My boss, on Friday: “This is the fifth day in a row that you’ve been late.”
Me: “Well, I can promise it won’t happen tomorrow.” —Jokes4us.com
Word nerds will appreciate these 20 grammar jokes.
Creatures of Habit
When I worked in a hardware store, it was my job to help contractors order their supplies, and there was a certain contractor who would always come into the store shirtless. We had a long lineup one day, and I was busy entering orders when the customer at the front of the line said, “Give me what I usually get.” I looked up and realized that it was the shirtless contractor—wearing a shirt. Without thinking, I said, “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on!” —Wendy Fredette, Salmon Arm, B.C
Celebrate Pi Day with these hilarious math jokes.
I used to work as a courier in a large city. I had a small designated route and was expected to deliver a package every five minutes. Sometimes, when I was running behind, I would rush in carrying a box for delivery to a customer, who would look up slowly from their computer and ask, “What’s that?” I would answer honestly, “It’s a box!” —Peter Bowman, Hamilton
Think you’ve got a special order? Don’t miss these hilarious pizza delivery stories!
The next time you have a difficult client at work, instead of saying, “I’ve CC’d in my boss,” just ask, “Do you wanna say that in front of Greg?” —@roobeekeane
Kick off your wedding speech with these 170 LOL-worthy jokes about marriage.
There’s nothing like being the first one on a conference call to show everyone who’s not boss. —Aparna Nancherla, comedian
Check out these times video conference calls went hilariously wrong!
Co-worker: Hey, can you take my shift?
Me: Of course!
Me: Hey, so it turns out I have open-heart surgery on Tuesday. I know it’s kind of late notice, but do you think you could pick up my shift?
Co-worker: Sorry, Tuesday is my dog’s half-birthday. Otherwise I totally would. —@myla_loecke
If you can relate to these funny sleep jokes, you’re not alone!
If you put away the clean laundry on the same day that you wash it, I feel like that’s what you should lead with on your resume. —@AbbyHasIssues
Discover our 50 best knock knock jokes for kids.
I never in life want to be the kind of successful that requires getting to an airport before 7 a.m. —@tressiemcphd
Prepare for the holidays with the 25 funniest Christmas jokes for kids.
A Different Perspective
Your salary is just your company’s monthly subscription of you. —@hiranimeera
You won’t believe these 15 shocking pranks, practical jokes and hoaxes people actually pulled off!
First Day as a Bartender
Customer: I’ll have a martini, dry.
Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don’t know how to tell you this … —@KylePlantEmoji
Don’t miss these witty bar jokes anyone can remember!
I deleted my weather app because there’s a guy at work who always tells me what the weather is anyway, and the app never asks how my weekend was. —@leakypod
The medical school at the university where I work was once celebrating an event and decided to hand out gift pens with the inscription “Faculty of Medicine.” The more you bought from the supplier, the lower the cost, so the university bought 2,000 pens. When the pens arrived, all 2,000 of them read: “Faulty of Medicine.” —Robert Halstead, Winnipeg
Check out the most expensive typos in the world!
The greatest lie the devil ever told was that you would get up and finish that project in the morning. —@kristen_arnett
These hilarious sleep jokes will have you laughing in bed.
“As someone with extremely good hair and no other discernible qualities….” —Me, in work meetings
Out of Office
I’m sorry but I can’t respond to your work email. I’ve taken my bra off for the night. —@lizhackett
Rule of Law
Me: I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.
Cop: You are the lawyer.
Me: Exactly, so where’s my present? —@MarfSalvador
Down to Business
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge. —@gisscontreras
HR: What’s your best asset?
Me: I have a great memory.
HR: Give me an example.
Me: Of what? —@permawedgie
Trying to Be Cool
Every email I ever send: Hello! I am extremely excited to be corresponding with you! You can tell by the number of exclamation points I use! Here is one sentence with a period so that I don’t come across as manic. Thanks! —@katelizabee
Bring down the house with these DIY jokes. (Pun intended!)
What’s That Behind You?!
My husband is on a work Skype call, so every few minutes I silently walk behind him dressed as a new character from Wicked. —@Liz_Hackett
Customer Knows Best
I said “Sorry for the wait” to a customer and she turned around and said, “No you’re not.” And you know what? She was right. —@Stephfrancex
Check out these hilariously awkward family photos!
Titan of Industry
Me: I’m overwhelmed, dying, too many tasks. Help! What can be done? Will I live this way forever?
Me, after replying to one email: I’m magnificent; what a powerful workhorse. Time to celebrate with a beer—reward this titan of industry! —@Kristen_Arnett
Me: Welcome to McDonald’s. Can I take your McOrder?
McDonald’s Boss: Again, you don’t need to put “Mc” in front of words.
Me: Oh, okay. Turns back to customer. Welcome to Donald’s! —@ArfMeasures
You’ll also get a kick out of these hilarious dog memes.
Marriage vows should be rewritten as “to have and to hold and to listen to stories about your workplace drama until death do us part.” —@copymama
These relatable parenting tweets will make you laugh out loud.
Bring extra peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the interviewers. It looks selfish if you’re the only one eating. —@Shanehasabeard
We’ve rounded up the funniest jokes from Canada’s best comedians.
Turning the Tables
During every pause at a job interview, ask your potential boss, “What are you thinking about right now?” —Anne T. Donahue, writer
I’m about to arrive 10 minutes early to a meeting. Where can I pick up my medal? —@TimHererra
Taking the Initiative
My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home. —Derek Young, Toronto
Looking on the Bright Side
One of my students just called me a “cruel beastie,” which I’m taking as a sign of affection. —@BorrowedHorses
Coming of Age
There is no slower passage of time than the hours spent supervising a middle-school dance. —@erica_sage
These funny phrases are definitely worth memorizing!
It’s a Scream, Baby
I can really relate to blenders because I also scream while I’m doing my job. —Tig Notaro, comedian
Our nephew was getting married to a doctor’s daughter. At the wedding reception, her father stood to make his speech, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper earlier. He stopped several times, overcome with what we could only assume were moments of deep emotion. But, after a particularly long pause, he explained, “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to read what I wrote. Is there by chance a pharmacist in the house?” —Jana Rahrig