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120 Hilarious Tweets That Are Guaranteed to Make You Grin

It's amazing how much hilarity you can cram into just 280 characters.

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Cute dog in a baby strollerPhoto: Shutterstock

Precious cargo

Me, anytime I see someone with a dog in a stroller: What’s wrong with your baby? —@prufrockluvsong

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Hilarious tweets - woman with emotional baggage carrying suitcasePhoto: Shutterstock

Can I check this bag?

I wonder who decided to call it “emotional baggage” and not “griefcase.” —@will_dareal

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Hilarious tweets - Silently correcting your grammar mugPhoto: Shutterstock

Word nerd

If you try to correct my grammar, I will think fewer of you. —@thesammyhannah

If that hit your funny bone, you’ll love these clever grammar jokes.

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Hilarious tweets - couch potatoPhoto: Shutterstock

Let’s get physical

“I’m not working out with a mask on” is my new favourite excuse for skipping exercise. —@thecatwhisprer

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Hilarious tweets - retail therapyPhoto: Shutterstock

Retail therapy

Me: I’m sad and directionless.
My brain: Buy stuff.
Me: No! Listen, I need a purpose.
My brain: Did you say a purchase? —@pant_leg

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Hilarious tweets - Man waking upPhoto: Shutterstock

Rise and shine

Them: What inspires you to get out of bed every day?
Me: My bladder, mostly. —@lhlodder

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Hilarious tweets - Cardboard box isolatedPhoto: Shutterstock

It’s a keeper

One thing no one ever talks about: how much time you debate whether you should keep a cardboard box because it’s, like, a really good box. —@madameanthro

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Hilarious tweets - funny mature man on phonePhoto: Shutterstock

It’s inevitable

At a certain point in every man’s life, he begins collecting random screws in an old coffee can. —@mommajessiec

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Hilarious tweets - funny piratePhoto: Shutterstock

Yee-harrrrgh!

Someone in my Norwegian class didn’t know the word for “cowboys,” so they called them “American horse pirates.” —@socactussoowl

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Hilarious tweets - funny guy checking phonePhoto: Shutterstock

Playing it cool

My best acting work to date? It has to be yesterday, when I realized I was walking in the wrong direction, so I pretended to get a text message that changed everything and forced me to turn around and walk the other way. —@orangepaulp

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Hilarious tweets - funny scared manPhoto: Shutterstock

Speak up

Spider: Why are you terrified by me?
Me: Well, the reasons I once had have all now been replaced by the fact that you can talk. —@thealexnevil

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Hilarious tweets - funny dog winkingPhoto: Shutterstock

The dog days

The pandemic has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides. —@dogownersuk

Don’t miss this collection of the funniest dog memes on the Internet!

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Hilarious tweets - shark fin from JawsPhoto: Shutterstock

Feats of strength

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist. —@emmamanzini

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Hilarious tweets - funny man thinking Photo: Shutterstock

Let’s get paranoid

Nobody’s thinking about that weird thing you said. They’re thinking about a different weird thing you said that you didn’t even notice. —@deadeyebrakeman

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Hilarious tweets - funny broke womanPhoto: Shutterstock

The tank’s empty

I just made my last car payment. I mean, I still owe a lot, but I’m just not paying anymore. —@brentterhune

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Funny Tweets - DentistPhoto: Shutterstock

Is this covered?

The dentist just asked me to open up and now I can’t stop crying. —@momjeansplease

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Funny Tweets - Running BurglarPhoto: Shutterstock

Move along

I saved a lot of money on a home security system by hanging a picture of my paycheque on the front door. —@tbone7219

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Funny Tweets - Dolly PartonPhoto: Shutterstock

Too talented

Dolly Parton writing “I Will Always Love You” and “Jolene” in the same day is mind-blowing. It would be like if Da Vinci finished the Mona Lisa, then turned around in the same day and wrote “Jolene.” —@wenzlerpowers

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Hilarious tweets - haunted housePhoto: Shutterstock

Cold comfort

I wouldn’t mind living in a haunted house. Cold spot in the room? That sounds like a great place to chill the wine or to stand when I’m hot flashing. —@Lisabug74

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Man dressed up as a vampirePhoto: Shutterstock

Vatt do you mean?

Me: I’m going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles.
Dracula: Venn?
Me: Probably tomorrow. —@fro_vo

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Woman holding a calculatorPhoto: Shutterstock

Fudging the numbers

Just did my own taxes. So should be in jail by Friday. —@yellowbonemama

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Hilarious tweets - funny man shavingPhoto: Shutterstock

Inventing the soul patch

Friend: You missed a spot.
Guy: I don’t care. —@donttouchjames

These bad dad jokes from Twitter will make you LOL!

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Hilarious tweets - Jekyll and HydePhoto: Shutterstock

Think literary

The opposite of formaldehyde is casual­dejekyll. —@Browtweaten

Here are more Halloween jokes worth memorizing!

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Man sleeping in bed at nightPhoto: Shutterstock

Right on schedule

Me: I’m going to sleep in today.
The 500 birds outside my window: Lol. —@GroovyTasia

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Canadian goosePhoto: Shutterstock

That’s An Order!

Might as well go ahead and get in the pond if you’re going to keep acting like a silly goose! —@lowendfury

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Video conference call with therapistPhoto: Shutterstock

Family Therapy

My therapist just referred to her therapist as my grand-therapist, which is a lot to process. —@corietjohnson

Check out these times video conference calls went hilariously wrong!

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Funny Tweets - Scrabble Q TilePhoto: Shutterstock

Silent Partners

The absolute worst-spelled word in the English language is “queue.” Q was killing it on its own and someone was just like, “Hey, what if he had four useless teammates?” – @randypaint

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Home theatrePhoto: Shutterstock

Cinematic Experience

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I just like eating candy in a dark room where no one’s allowed to talk to me. —@caraweinberger

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Woman having trouble sleepingPhoto: Shutterstock

Injuries by Age

Age 5: I jumped off a swing.
Age 21: I jumped off a bar table.
Age 38: Sleeping. I hurt myself while I was sleeping. —@AbbyHasIssues

These funny sleep jokes will have you laughing in bed!

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Close-up of gym bag and woman's trainersPhoto: Shutterstock

Leg Day

It’s been six months since I joined the gym and no progress. I’m going there in person tomorrow to see what’s really going on. —@_CakeBawse

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Friends having pizza and beerPhoto: Shutterstock

The Body is a Cheap Apartment

I’m becoming the landlord of my own body by refusing to fix anything wrong with it. —@i_zzzzzz

Don’t miss these funny tweets about food!

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Solo female singing karaokePhoto: Shutterstock

Stressful Singing

I love seeing people panic at karaoke when they realize how long and repetitive their song is. It’s like their eyes are asking, “Will I be singing ‘My Sharona’ forever?” —@isabelzawtun

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Breaking up conceptPhoto: Shutterstock

Brutal Honesty

Him: I think we should see other people.
Me: I disagree. I think we should break up and both be alone. —@ginnyhogan_

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Woman drying her wet hairPhoto: Shutterstock

False Advertising

The ads for women’s shower products always say things like “Lock in your moisture” and “Rejuvenate your pores.” Meanwhile, men’s ads are just like “Smell like hammer, you idiot.” —@MNateShyamalan

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Cat walking on ledge of homePhoto: Shutterstock

Feline Instinct

It’s unfair to say that Scar murdered Mufasa in The Lion King. Cats just have a natural need to knock things off ledges. —@PatsATweetin

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Woman doing a cartwheelPhoto: Shutterstock

Free Wheeling

Always remember: you can do a cartwheel whenever and wherever you want. —@charstarlene

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Debt collectorPhoto: Shutterstock

A Complete Misunderstanding

Debt collector: You have an outstanding bill.

Me: Aw, thank you! —@abbieexansxo

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Baby hedgehogPhoto: Shutterstock

Life is Unfair

Me: Can I have a turn in the hedge now?
Hedgehog: No. —@abbieevansxo

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Debit card machinePhoto: Shutterstock

True Love Waits

“If you love something, set it free.” –Me, spending money
—@alyssalimp

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Cast of the TV show FriendsPhoto: Amazon.ca

I’ll Be There for You

“I’m not here to make friends.” –The creator of Friends, who originally wanted to make a different show. —@yoyorobot

If you want to bring your A-game to trivia night, here are some pop culture facts to keep in mind.

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Canadian hundred dollar billsPhoto: Arlene Grace Evangelista/Shutterstock

Worst Nightmare

You: We all attract what we fear.
Me: I am absolutely terrified of 10 billion dollars. —@leokolade

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