Hilarious Things Kids Have Said
A celebration of those moments when all you can do is laugh.
Illustration: Mike Shiell
When I was a teacher, I’d ask students to find a word in the dictionary, give the meaning and use it in a sentence. My favourite answer was: “My word is pregnant. It means carrying a child, like the fireman went up the ladder and came down pregnant.” —Orville Cole, Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
My six-year-old couldn’t remember the word “tomorrow” so she called it “nexterday.” —@kbrough
We gave our grandson a fishing pole for his fourth birthday. When he opened his present he exclaimed, “Wow! A fishing machine.” —Bonnie Hughes, North Webster, Yukon
My daughter has just learned how to wiggle her eyebrows. She asked me if I could do it, so I did. Then she said, “Wow, you can do it so fast! It must be because you only have one eyebrow so it’s easier.” —@sharrzeor
You know you’ll be subjected to many years of practical jokes when your toddler swings open your washroom door and points a pair of binoculars right at you. —Ashley Ashfield, Hampton, New Brunswick
My seven-year-old asked if I could get him something so he could send a letter the old-fashioned way. Paper? An envelope? A stamp? No, he wanted his own email address. —@mommajessiec
I was babysitting my five-year-old granddaughter and as a treat I took her to McDonald’s to get an ice cream cone. When she finished, I asked if she enjoyed it. Her response was, “Yes, but now my tummy’s cold so I think I need fries to warm it up.” —Joyce Hellewell, Windsor, Ontario
When my son was young, he became vegetarian for a year, and we always thought it was because of his kind heart and love of animals. He’s a teenager now and just revealed it seemed like the only way out of eating the meatloaf they served at preschool. —Jessica Holmes, comedian
After our special Mother’s Day breakfast, I heard my three-year-old say to his sister, “Have you heard of Brother’s Day? It’s where you make your brother a really special breakfast to show him how much you love him.” —Tammy Tsang, Toronto
My son begged for a sibling for years and then it finally happened. When my daughter was one, she would pull toys out faster than we were able to put them away. I looked at her six-year-old brother and said, “What are we going to do with her?” He replied with a very serious face, “Keep her. I worked hard to get her here!” —Shawna Mathieson, Watson, Saskatchewan
During a conversation with my nine-year-old granddaughter, I told her that when I was her age our house was the first on the block to have a colour TV. She asked me, “What colour was it?” —Deborah Brettell, Williams Lake, British Columbia
Here, more grandparents reveal the funniest things their grandkids have said.
Photo: Tom Wang / Shutterstock.com
My 10-year-old daughter asked if we have to pick up her brother from school, noting, “He has to go to school tomorrow anyway.” —@bunandleggings
While playing with my four-year-old son, I picked up his Batman action figure and said, “I’m Batman, the Dark Knight.” He then picked up Superman and answered, “I’m Superman, the Sunny Day.” —Charline Agulto, West St. Paul, Manitoba
My kid tonight at bedtime, after I paused a beat when opening a storybook: “Turn the sound on, Mama.” —@cdellamore
I came home one day to find my then-three-year-old daughter watching TV with her father. She said, “Mommy! You’re a princess in a movie!” They were watching our wedding video. —reddit.com
My six-year-old daughter just told me she wanted to stay up later. I told her, “Okay, 10 more minutes.” Then she countered, “How about 40 more hours?” I think we need to work on negotiations. —@curiositybooked
It’s hailing. Or as my kid calls it, “crunchy rain.” —@lydiaykang
My 11-year-old son’s fingernails were neatly trimmed except for his thumbs, which were unnaturally spear-shaped. When I asked him about this, he said he needed them to play the ukulele in music class at school. —Maria Baranowski, Winnipeg
Every day my daughter regales me with the best stories about recess, and when I asked her once why recess is always so dramatic, she said, “Daddy, one recess can change the world.” —@dad_at_law
My four-year-old grandson: That tree is dead.
Me: What does that mean?
My four-year-old grandson: That means you have to charge it. —@esteestimler
When I asked my daughter why she didn’t like her school’s guided meditation, she said, “Because I don’t want people telling me when to breathe, that’s why.” —@jessicavalenti
My five-year-old thought it was living room and dying room as opposed to living room and dining room. No wonder mealtimes have been so stressful. —@davidwcochrane
I made my toddler a smoothie for the first time, and now she keeps asking for more “yogurt water.” —@coffeencrusts
My seven-year-old grandson talks continuously. I asked him if he thought his tongue would last him a lifetime. He replied, “They say I take after you, and you’re doing all right.” —Chas Gallant, Antigonish, Nova Scotia
My five-year-old asked where the app was on my phone for calling people. —@momsense_ensues
I was admiring my granddaughter’s new gold shoes and said to her, “I want a pair of shoes just like that!” She responded, “Nana, when these shoes get bigger, I’ll give them to you.” —Laurie Trayer, Hope, British Columbia
My three-year-old: Do you know what pregnant means?
My three-year-old: It means you can’t bend over. —@mycuriositylab
My three-year-old: “Mom, when I grow up, I want to be a cozy blanket. Or Santa Claus.” —@brisommwrites
Next, check out these silly struggles every parent will relate to.