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100+ Funny Tweets Every Parent Can Relate To

Parenting is both challenging and rewarding—and sometimes very, very funny. These totally relatable parenting tweets will make you laugh out loud.

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Funny parenting tweets - kids playing on phonesPhoto: Ummi Hassian / Shutterstock.com

Parting words

My five-year-old-son loves YouTube and seems to think that “Please subscribe to my channel” is a way to say goodbye. —@emisheep

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Funny parent tweets - little girl holding markersPhoto: Shutterstock

The writing’s on the wall/table

Kids get all shocked when you figure out they did something wrong. “Mom, how did you know I coloured on the table?” Because you wrote your name on it. —@fiveoclockmommy

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Funny parent tweets - bored kid e-learning at laptopPhoto: Shutterstock

Genius in the making

My wife is a teacher, and apparently one student has been changing his name to “Reconnecting” during the Zoom lessons so he doesn’t get asked any questions. He’s been doing it for weeks. The lad doesn’t need to worry about his education—he’s already a genius.  —@chrisarnoldinc

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Funny parent tweets - little boy day dreamingPhoto: Shutterstock

Wait until career day

Me: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Four-year-old: I want to drink beer.
Me: No, like, what do you want to be?
Four-year-old: A beer drinker. —@daddydoubts

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Funny parent tweets - angry little girlPhoto: Shutterstock

Common courtesy

My daughter is mad at me because I didn’t offer her a banana first thing this morning. She hates bananas. —@pro_worrier_

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Funny parent tweets - little girl looking in closetPhoto: Shutterstock

Dress code

After my daughter refused to get dressed, I lost my temper and told her she couldn’t come downstairs until she’d changed out of her pyjamas.

She then changed into another pair of pyjamas. —@dara_bhur_gcara

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Funny parent tweets - confused little boyPhoto: Shutterstock

He’ll get back to you on that

Today I asked a kindergartner if Friday was his favourite day of the week. His response: “I don’t know. I don’t know a lot of things. I’m confused all the time.” —@donomo

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Funny parent tweets - silly prison inmatePhoto: Shutterstock

A worthy sacrifice

My daughter asked why she can’t just quit school, and I told her that it’s against the law and I could go to jail. She then looked me in the eyes and said: “I’ll visit you.” —@ceciatl

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Funny parent tweets - stuffed animalsPhoto: Shutterstock

They grow up so fast

While at a department store, I noticed a girl stare longingly at the stuffed animals and say, “I wish I was still a kid.”

Her dad, standing next to her, replied: “You’re 10.” —@handlebrandle

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Funny parent tweets - tired woman yawningPhoto: Shutterstock

A wrinkle in his plans

While I was lying next to my four-year-old, he looked into my eyes, parted my hair to the side and said, “Mommy, I can’t rub the lines out of your face.” —@muminbits

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Funny parent tweets - little boy measuring heightPhoto: Shutterstock

Care to prove that?

Dubious claims my toddler made this week:

  • He invented the “thumbs up.”
  • Only “some” lizards can read.
  • He forgot how to eat carrots.
  • His daycare allows swords. —@henpeckedhal
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Funny parent tweets - girl drawingPhoto: Shutterstock

Role model

My seven-year-old drew a self-portrait, gift it to herself and hung it up on her wall. From now on, I’m making her my life coach. —@gfishandnuggets

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Hilarious tweets - shark fin from JawsPhoto: Shutterstock

So that’s where he went

When asked by a friend at daycare why she has two moms, my four-year-old answered that her dad was eaten by a shark. —@bakekater

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Funny parent tweets - kid on tabletPhoto: Shutterstock

Tech savvy

My six-year-old: I figured out the password to the tablet and bypassed the parental controls to download all my shows.
Also my six-year-old: Help! I put both my legs in the same pant hole and now I’m stuck! —@not_thenanny

If you’ve ever provided tech support for your own parents, you’ll relate to this hilarious story.

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Funny parent tweets - cargo shorts isolatedPhoto: Shutterstock

Versatile wardrobe

A brief history of my 11-year-old’s attitude toward wearing shorts:
School in winter: Shorts
Bedtime: Shorts
Camping: Shorts
Walking the dog on a wet and windy day: Shorts
Expedition to the North Pole: Shorts
Voyage the the moon: Shorts —@threetimedaddy

Funny Parenting Tweets - Spilled MilkPhoto: Shutterstock

The Laws of Kid Physics

A typical cup holds about eight ounces of liquid. But if a child spills it, that number increases to eight gallons. – @homewithpeanut

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kids In ShortsPhoto: Shutterstock

The Long and Shorts of It

My toddler demanded shorts, and now he’s crying that they’re broken because they don’t cover his legs. @snarkymomtobe

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kid Reading BookPhoto: Shutterstock

No Spoilers

Six-year-old: *Flips to the end of the calendar*
Me: What are you doing?
Six-year-old: I want to know what happens. – @xplodingunicorn

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Little Girl SingingPhoto: Shutterstock

Born Performers

The magical thing about toddlers is they can be mid-tantrum and seamlessly cut to the best performance of “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” you’ve ever seen. – @thatmummylife

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Alarm ClockPhoto: Shutterstock

Time Flies

My four-year-old used the phrase “a long time ago today” to describe something that happened this morning, and it’s probably the most accurate description I’ve ever heard. – @thecatwhisprer

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Pickle JarPhoto: Shutterstock

Betcha Can’t Have Just One

Me: What do you want for lunch?
Three-year-old: A pickle.
Me: A pickle is not a meal.
Three-year-old: Two pickles. – @daddydoubts

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Pretty CemeteryPhoto: Shutterstock

Tomb With a View

My daughter just called a cemetery a “person garden.” I’m not sure what she thinks is going on there. – @java_assassin

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kid Eating SpaghettiPhoto: Shutterstock

Life is Tough

Me: Why do you look so sad?
Three-year-old: *sigh* I just really love to eat. – @mom_tho

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kid Raising HandPhoto: Shutterstock

Attention, Please!

Three-year-old: Can I tell you a question?
Me: You’d fit in well at an academic talk. – @jessicacalarco

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Mom Wagging Finger At SonPhoto: Shutterstock

Do As I Say…

A dark day for parents is when their child learns what “hypocrite” means. – @rodlacroix

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Boy Jumping On BedPhoto: Shutterstock

Aim For the Moon

Self-confidence is my four-year-old asking me to turn off the ceiling fan so he can show me how high he jumps. – @henpeckedhal

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Family DabbingPhoto: Shutterstock

Dance Like Nobody’s Watching

Me, to my eight-year-old: Why do you watch YouTube videos of other people playing video games when you could play them yourself?
Eight-year-old: Well, why do you watch TikTok videos of people dancing when you could do the dances yourself? – @six_pack_mom

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Sleeping Little BoyPhoto: Shutterstock

Fit For a King

During quarantine, when everyone was stuck at home, I decided it was time to replace our 10-year-old mattresses. I asked my husband, “What size is Danny’s mattress?”

“Queen?” he replied.

I pointed out that our mattress was a queen and that of our son, Danny, had to be smaller. Danny piped up, “I’m pretty sure it’s a prince.” – Marjorie Murphy, Toronto

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kid Thumbs UpPhoto: Shutterstock

As Easy as Thumb, Two, Three

I was teaching my three-year-old, Becky, how to count to 10 using my fingers. After a few minutes, I got a little frustrated with her. I started one more time and put up my thumb. “What number is this, Becky?” I asked.

She replied, “Thumb!” – Cindy Giles, Coalhurst, Alberta

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kid Eating TacosPhoto: Shutterstock

Just Because

My four-year-old just asked why she can’t eat tacos every day, and honestly, I think I’d have an easier time explaining where babies come from. – @sarabellab123

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Baby RattlePhoto: Shutterstock

Life Lessons We Lost Along the Way

I admire how when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it. – @mixedmediapaper

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Girl Hates VacuumPhoto: Shutterstock

Early Warning System

My daughter just told me that she checks my location on my phone in order to determine when she’s going to start on chores. – @tmikamouse

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Kid Performing With MicrophonePhoto: Shutterstock

Here For the Applause

I made the grievous mistake of laughing at my five-year-old’s joke, so now I must hear that joke repeatedly until I die. – @thecatwhisprer

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Funny Parenting Tweets - Little Girl Waking UpPhoto: Shutterstock

Speed of Light

Me: Go back to bed.
Six-year-old: It’s time to get up.
Me: It’s still dark outside.
Six-year-old: I’m faster than the sun. – @xplodingunicorn

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Shredded colby-Monterey Jack cheesePhoto: Shutterstock

Cheesin’

My four-year-old just brought me a block of Colby-Jack cheese and asked for a piece of party cheese. —@wildrainbow2

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Woman filling up her car at a gas stationPhoto: Shutterstock

Renewable Fuels

My two-year-old thinks that cars fill up on soup at the gas station, and now I’m really sad it’s not true. —@ThatMummyLife

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Breakfast fruitPhoto: Shutterstock

All-Day Breakfast

My four-year-old just looked up from her breakfast and said, “Uh, Daddy, I ordered fruit, too.” So there’s at least one dine-in restaurant still in operation during quarantine. —@TheCatWhisprer

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Cute Asian boyPhoto: Shutterstock

Free Will

Me: You know better than to use that bad word.
Five-year-old: Yes.
Me: Then why did you?
Five-year-old: My brain said not to, but my mouth does whatever it wants. —@Lhlodder

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Cute toddlerPhoto: Shutterstock

Is This Real Life?

Living with toddlers is like being stuck in an episode of Scooby-Doo, with all the running between rooms and slamming of doors. —@HomeWithPeanut

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