80 Funny Jokes to Start Your Day With a Smile
Whether you're celebrating National Tell a Joke Day (August 16), April Fool's Day, or simply need a reason to smile, you're going to love this cheesy collection of puns and one-liners—no kidding!
Funny Jokes That Are Guaranteed to Make You Grin
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender says, “sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
Why don’t melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
Toasting a bride and groom in the near future? Check out our all-time favourite wedding jokes.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse.
What do you call an alligator detective?
Looking for more funny jokes? Add these hilarious podcasts to your playlist.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
There are two muffins baking in the oven.
One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”
The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
Don’t miss our knee-slapping roundup of great Canadian jokes.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless.
What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
These silly sleep jokes will have you snickering in bed.
After a crime, a detective noted that he thought it was foul play.
The other detective said, “You mean, he was playing with birds?”
What did the policeman say to his bellybutton?
You’re under a vest.
Having trouble crafting the perfect message for a birthday card? Try these birthday jokes!
Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage?
Because every play has a cast.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
These dog jokes will leave you howling with laughter.
Why are there gates around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
Here are more corny Halloween jokes to share on October 31.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
When do computers overheat?
When they need to vent.
Everyone will relate to these funny tweets about technology.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
These funny headlines could only have happened in Canada!
How do you tell if a vampire is sick?
By how much he is coffin.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
These silly cow jokes will lighten your moo-d.
What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?
How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card.
What do you call birds that stick together?
What did the ocean say to the shore?
Nothing…It just waved.
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
Here are more golf jokes that’ll have you giggling on the green.
What do you call a factory that sells good products?
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.
Need to defuse an awkward situation? These funny phrases could definitely come in handy.
What do you call a pile of cats?
Here are 25 cat jokes that are paws-itively hilarious.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
These hilarious history jokes are anything but dusty!
Why are frogs are so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.
What did one hat say to the other?
You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
What do you do with a sick boat?
Take it to the doc already.
These doctor jokes will have you in stitches!
An apple a day really can keep the doctor away…
But only if you aim it well.
What did the elevator say when it sneezed?
I think I’m coming down with something.
Check out the funniest light bulb jokes on the Internet.
Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning?
It was a vicious cycle.
Here are 25 funny good morning GIFs to start your day with a smile!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
What do lawyers wear to work?
Here are more side-splitting lawyer jokes.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
Are you ready for April 1st? Check out 10 April Fool’s pranks to do at home.
What’s the best way to burn 1000 calories?
Leave the pizza in the oven.
Why are the Irish so wealthy?
Because their capital is always Dublin.
Here are more clean jokes you can comfortably share with your family.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every night.
Find the purr-fect cat GIF for every occasion!
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
Check out these up-and-coming Canadian comedians—and their best jokes!
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
For more funny jokes, add the best comedies on Netflix Canada to your watchlist.
This is my step ladder.
I never knew my real ladder.
Next, check out 25 knock-knock jokes that are genuinely funny!