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80+ Funny Jokes to Start Your Day With a Smile

Whether you're celebrating April Fool's Day or National Tell a Joke Day (August 16), you're going to love this cheesy collection of puns and one-liners—no kidding!

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ham sandwichPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer, bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

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clydesdalePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.

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fish without eyesPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.

Relive the history of the world in dumb jokes.

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alligator detectivePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator.

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scarecrow awardPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Tickle your funny bone with the best Reader’s Digest jokes of all time.

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talking muffinPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?” The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”

These work-friendly jokes are safe for sharing at the office.

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soccer matchPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

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broken pencilPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

Don’t think that’s the funniest joke ever? These are the funniest one-liners on the Internet.

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bird flu swine fluPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.

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foul playPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

After a crime, a detective noted that he thought it was foul play. The other detective said, “You mean, he was playing with birds?”

Don’t miss these funny examples of irony in real life.

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brown and stickyPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

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policemanPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What did the policeman say to his bellybutton? You’re under a vest.

Having trouble crafting the perfect message for a birthday card? Try these funny birthday jokes!

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break a legPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage? Because every play has a cast.

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karate pigPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

These hilarious golf jokes are better than a hole in one.

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ghost hearingPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.

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cemetery gatesPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.

Get ready for more witty bar jokes anyone can remember.

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seagullsPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.

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computers overheatPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.

Do you celebrate “Pi Day” on March 14? Chances are, you’ll love these corny math jokes.

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music planetsPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

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sticky hairPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

Don’t miss these bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.

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rabbits travelPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes.

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vampire sickPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.

Check out our all-time funniest work jokes.

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cow two legsPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!

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fake spaghettiPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.

These hilarious DIY jokes will bring down the house!

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yoga landlordPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.

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charging bullPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

Toasting a bride and groom in the near future? These jokes about marriage are perfect for a wedding.

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mushroom partyPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.

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farmer awardPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why did the farmer win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

These funny work cartoons were made for sharing at the office.

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birds stick togetherPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.

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sea monsters eatPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.

Don’t miss these side-splitting jokes about lawyers.

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nose 12 inchesPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

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ocean shorePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing…It just waved.

Don’t miss the best Canadian jokes ever!

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tomato racePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.

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golfer pantsPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

Looking for more laughs? These funny yearbook quotes are guaranteed to crack you up.

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factory good productsPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call a factory that sells good products? A satisfactory.

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barber racePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

Don’t miss our rollicking roundup of the funniest quotes of all time.

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cows like to readPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.

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chicken coopPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.

Need to defuse an awkward situation? These funny phrases could definitely come in handy.

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sleeping dinosaurPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.

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pile of catsPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain.

These funny animal pictures are sure to crack you up!

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four wheelsPhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

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poker junglePhoto: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? No? Really? It’s making headlines!

These hilarious dog puns will give you paws.

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drop a piano