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100+ Funny Jokes for the Holidays

'Tis the season to snicker! These holiday jokes celebrate the funny side of the festive season.

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Advent calendarPhoto: Shutterstock

Holiday Jokes That Are Sure to Make You Smile

Just Desserts

Q: Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
A: He got 25 days.

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Menorah and dreidelsPhoto: Shutterstock

Choose Your Own Spelling

Me: [Searches ‘Chanukah’]
Google: Did you mean Hanukkah?
Me: I DON’T KNOW, GOOGLE. NO ONE DOES.
—@rachelichtman

Check out these fascinating Hanukkah facts.

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Sheet music Photo: Shutterstock

Hip Hop Holiday

Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
A: Wrap music!

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Holiday jokes - ugly Christmas sweaterPhoto: Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock.com

The Most Punderful Time of the Year

You: I love this time of year!
Me: You mean you ‘ove’ it.
You: What?
Me: Because there’s Noël. —@tiemoose

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TundraPhoto: Shutterstock

Polar Opposites

People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same, but really, there’s a whole world of difference between them.

For more grins (and groans), check out our favourite bad dad jokes.

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GeesePhoto: Shutterstock

Avian Obsession

“The Twelve Days of Christmas” is completely unrealistic. There is no way that you’re still accepting gifts from someone after four days of birds. —@TweetPotato314

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Couple pulling Christmas treePhoto: Shutterstock

Famous Last Words

“Let’s go get a Christmas tree!” — A divorce story. —@sarcasticmommy4

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TreadmillPhoto: Shutterstock

Achievable Goals

I bought a treadmill because my New Year’s resolution is to have more things to put my laundry on. —@danwlin

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Christmas tree left outsidePhoto: Shutterstock

Holiday Hit

“All that time spent selecting and decorating, and a week after [Christmas], you see the tree by the side of the road, like a mob hit. A car slows down, a door opens, and a tree rolls out.” —Jerry Seinfeld

Here’s what you should really do with your Christmas tree after the holidays.

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Holiday jokes - marshmallow snowman in cocoaPhoto: Elena Shashkina / Shutterstock.com

Frosty Gets Fit

Q: What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
A: An abdominal snowman.

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Cat in boxPhoto: Shutterstock

Feline Friends

I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards or the cats who refuse to sign. —@Cpin42

Don’t miss our collection of funny cat GIFs.

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Office Christmas partyPhoto: Shutterstock

Holiday Jokes From the World’s Worst Office Parties

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon asked people to submit their worst Christmas office party stories. Here’s what people sent in:

  • I stayed sober to avoid embarrassing myself in front of my coworkers. Then my heel broke, and I fell into the punch bowl.
  • My boss ordered two pizzas for 15 employees, then ate one all by herself.
  • My coworker got so drunk, he asked his girlfriend whether she was single. She said yes.
  • I did a Secret Santa gift exchange; mine got me a can of creamed corn.
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PumpkinsPhoto: Shutterstock

Two in One

My kids: Can we decorate for Christmas now?!
Me: Sure. [Puts Santa hat on pumpkin.] —@Manda_like_wine

It doesn’t have to be October 31st to find these Halloween jokes funny.

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Peanut butter and jelly sandwichPhoto: Shutterstock

Fa-la-la-la-la

Q: What did the peanut butter say to the grape on Christmas?
A: ‘Tis the season to be jelly!

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Christmas wrapping paperPhoto: Shutterstock

Fast Wrapper

My wife: How many presents did you get wrapped?
Me [proudly]: Four.
Wife: In an hour?
Me: They were oddly shaped. —@dejavudad

Here’s how to wrap Christmas presents like a pro.

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Family carolingPhoto: Shutterstock

Peace and Quiet

Q: What’s a parent’s favourite Christmas carol?
A: Silent night! —Via Funology.com

Read the heartwarming story of how one night of carolling brought a small town together.

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Christmas tree orbPhoto: Shutterstock

One Step at a Time

I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes. —@AbbyHasIssues

Don’t miss these inspired holiday decorating ideas from across Canada.

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Jingle bellsPhoto: Shutterstock

Create Your Own Carol

How to make a Christmas song:

  1. Add sleigh bells
  2. That’s it, you’re done —@MaxxSIO

Can you guess the oldest Christmas carol? (Hint: It’s not Silent Night!)

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Person mailing Christmas cardPhoto: Shutterstock

Mistaken Identity

Our new neighbours thought our Wi-Fi network was our last name. So when they gave us a Christmas card, they addressed it to “The Linksys Family.” —via HuffingtonPost.com

Here are some helpful hints on what to write in a Christmas card this year.

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Happy New Year signPhoto: Shutterstock

Starting Strong

My New Year’s resolution is to be more assertive, if that’s ok with you guys? —@megankcomedy

Check out more funny tweets that are sure to make you smile.

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Santa and reindeerPhoto: Shutterstock

Bad Behaviour

Q: Which of Santa’s reindeer has the worst manners?
A: Rude-olph!

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BooksPhoto: Shutterstock

Bought or Borrowed

To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present…they’re due back at the library tomorrow. —@kellywithawhy

Here’s how to master the art of re-gifting.

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People holding OscarsPhoto: Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock

Academy Award Winner

My performance in “I’m so sad I can’t make it to your Christmas party” is already generating Oscar buzz. —@RobinMcCauley

Here are the best movies on Netflix Canada right now.

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Family wearing fuzzy socksPhoto: Shutterstock

The First Noel

Q: What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
A: It’s Christmas, Eve!

Cozy up to the best virtual fireplaces on TV and online.

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Christmas presentsPhoto: Shutterstock

Why Stop at 12?

On the 13th day of Christmas, my true love said to me, “I think I might be a hoarder.” Jen Statsky, writer

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Cat in Santa hatPhoto: Shutterstock

Master Forger

For the longest time, I thought my mother, father, and cat all had the same handwriting. Then I found out Mom was just signing cards for all of them. Michelle Wolf, comedian

These cat jokes are paws-itively hilarious!

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Gingerbread menPhoto: Shutterstock

Sweet Dreams

Q: What does the Gingerbread Man use to make his bed?
A: Cookie sheets!

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Office holiday partyPhoto: Shutterstock

Putting Faces to the Names

The office holiday party is a great place to meet everyone you’ve been emailing from ten feet away. —@someecards

If you got a kick out of that one, you’ll love these funny work cartoons.

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Holiday jokes - Santa on VespaPhoto: Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock.com

Selling Out

Jeez, did Santa’s agent turn down a single commercial? —Jim Gaffigan, comedian

These Christmas brain teasers will give your grey matter a workout.

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Chinese New Year lanternsPhoto: Shutterstock

Second Chances

For those of you who have already failed your New Year’s resolution, like I have, there is always the Chinese New Year to try again. —@ThomasPankonin

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Girl in elf outfitPhoto: Shutterstock

Seasonal Syntax

Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.

Ready to put your vocabulary to the test? See if you can match these Christmas words with their proper definitions.

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Latkes for HanukkahPhoto: Nailya Yakubova / Shutterstock.com

Comfort Food

I understand now why Hanukkah happens when it does. We could all use a little light right now. And fried stuff. —Jess Zimmerman, editor

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Christmas sheepPhoto: Shutterstock

Baa Humbug

Q: What’s a sheep’s favourite Christmas song?
A: Fleece Navidad.

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Kid in winter outfitPhoto: Shutterstock

Literally Christmas

It was the beginning of December. I noticed my four-year-old putting on her hat and coat, so I asked her where she was going. She said she wanted to see if Christmas was really just around the corner. —Lynn Krochak

Check out these funny tweets every parent can relate to.

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DreidelsPhoto: Shutterstock

Time for a Rewrite?

Think how much more exciting “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” would be if they’d written it after the dreidel was dry and ready. —@Mikelffingwell

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Photo: Shutterstock

Gone to the Dogs

My mom is angry with me for letting the dogs see their presents before tomorrow morning. Apparently, I ruined their Christmas. —@akfarizel

Here are 25 dog jokes that’ll leave you howling with laughter.

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Empty walletPhoto: Shutterstock

Going for Broke

Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
A: Saint Nickel-less.

Read up on the fascinating origins of Santa Claus.

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Santa Claus blowing snowPhoto: Shutterstock

Santa on the Brain

Christmas: the time when everyone gets Santamental.

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Wine glasses and Christmas treePhoto: Shutterstock

The Ultimate Gift

One of my four nephews just brought me wine and said, “Here’s your Christmas juice,” and now he’s the one I’m leaving everything to. —@Kendragarden

Check out these uniquely Canadian holiday traditions.

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Chimney with Santa's footPhoto: Shutterstock

Chimney Sweep

Q: What’s red and white and falls down chimneys?
A: Santa Klutz.

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