100+ Funny Jokes for the Holidays
'Tis the season to snicker! These holiday jokes celebrate the funny side of the festive season.
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Holiday Jokes That Are Sure to Make You Smile
Q: Did you hear about the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
A: He got 25 days.
Hip Hop Holiday
Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
A: Wrap music!
The Most Punderful Time of the Year
You: I love this time of year!
Me: You mean you ‘ove’ it.
Me: Because there’s Noël. —@tiemoose
People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same, but really, there’s a whole world of difference between them.
For more grins (and groans), check out our favourite bad dad jokes.
“The Twelve Days of Christmas” is completely unrealistic. There is no way that you’re still accepting gifts from someone after four days of birds. —@TweetPotato314
Famous Last Words
“Let’s go get a Christmas tree!” — A divorce story. —@sarcasticmommy4
I bought a treadmill because my New Year’s resolution is to have more things to put my laundry on. —@danwlin
“All that time spent selecting and decorating, and a week after [Christmas], you see the tree by the side of the road, like a mob hit. A car slows down, a door opens, and a tree rolls out.” —Jerry Seinfeld
Here’s what you should really do with your Christmas tree after the holidays.
Frosty Gets Fit
Q: What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
A: An abdominal snowman.
Holiday Jokes From the World’s Worst Office Parties
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon asked people to submit their worst Christmas office party stories. Here’s what people sent in:
- I stayed sober to avoid embarrassing myself in front of my coworkers. Then my heel broke, and I fell into the punch bowl.
- My boss ordered two pizzas for 15 employees, then ate one all by herself.
- My coworker got so drunk, he asked his girlfriend whether she was single. She said yes.
- I did a Secret Santa gift exchange; mine got me a can of creamed corn.
Two in One
My kids: Can we decorate for Christmas now?!
Me: Sure. [Puts Santa hat on pumpkin.] —@Manda_like_wine
It doesn’t have to be October 31st to find these Halloween jokes funny.
My wife: How many presents did you get wrapped?
Me [proudly]: Four.
Wife: In an hour?
Me: They were oddly shaped. —@dejavudad
Here’s how to wrap Christmas presents like a pro.
Peace and Quiet
Q: What’s a parent’s favourite Christmas carol?
A: Silent night! —Via Funology.com
Read the heartwarming story of how one night of carolling brought a small town together.
Create Your Own Carol
How to make a Christmas song:
- Add sleigh bells
- That’s it, you’re done —@MaxxSIO
Can you guess the oldest Christmas carol? (Hint: It’s not Silent Night!)
Our new neighbours thought our Wi-Fi network was our last name. So when they gave us a Christmas card, they addressed it to “The Linksys Family.” —via HuffingtonPost.com
Here are some helpful hints on what to write in a Christmas card this year.
Q: Which of Santa’s reindeer has the worst manners?
Bought or Borrowed
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present…they’re due back at the library tomorrow. —@kellywithawhy
The First Noel
Q: What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
A: It’s Christmas, Eve!
Cozy up to the best virtual fireplaces on TV and online.
Why Stop at 12?
On the 13th day of Christmas, my true love said to me, “I think I might be a hoarder.” —Jen Statsky, writer
Q: What does the Gingerbread Man use to make his bed?
A: Cookie sheets!
Putting Faces to the Names
The office holiday party is a great place to meet everyone you’ve been emailing from ten feet away. —@someecards
If you got a kick out of that one, you’ll love these funny work cartoons.
For those of you who have already failed your New Year’s resolution, like I have, there is always the Chinese New Year to try again. —@ThomasPankonin
Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Ready to put your vocabulary to the test? See if you can match these Christmas words with their proper definitions.
Q: What’s a sheep’s favourite Christmas song?
A: Fleece Navidad.
It was the beginning of December. I noticed my four-year-old putting on her hat and coat, so I asked her where she was going. She said she wanted to see if Christmas was really just around the corner. —Lynn Krochak
Check out these funny tweets every parent can relate to.
Time for a Rewrite?
Think how much more exciting “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” would be if they’d written it after the dreidel was dry and ready. —@Mikelffingwell
Gone to the Dogs
My mom is angry with me for letting the dogs see their presents before tomorrow morning. Apparently, I ruined their Christmas. —@akfarizel
Here are 25 dog jokes that’ll leave you howling with laughter.
Going for Broke
Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
A: Saint Nickel-less.
Read up on the fascinating origins of Santa Claus.
The Ultimate Gift
One of my four nephews just brought me wine and said, “Here’s your Christmas juice,” and now he’s the one I’m leaving everything to. —@Kendragarden
Check out these uniquely Canadian holiday traditions.
Q: What’s red and white and falls down chimneys?
A: Santa Klutz.