The 18 Funniest Things People Have Ever Said—While They Were Sleeping
"Mother! Fetch me my cape!"
What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard someone say in their sleep?
Can you remember your last somniloquy? Chances are you didn’t deliver it onstage—if you did, the audience would demand their money back—but it was probably an unforgettable performance nonetheless.
“Somniloquy” is the technical term for sleep talking, a harmless, unconscious behaviour that about five per cent of adults keep up regularly after childhood. With your mind deep in dreamland and your motor functions edging back into reality, sleep talking is one of those highly bizarre activities that you can do without having any recollection of it. That was certainly the case with these Reddit readers who shared the funniest, most unusual things they ever said (or heard someone else say) while sleep talking. Lucky for us all, there was someone else around to record them. Take it all in—and then tell us your answer.
We’ll need to find a replacement…
My mum, after falling asleep on the couch: “We’ll need to find a replacement…”
Me: “For what?”
Mum: “Your sister” —Reddit user frankiedarlin
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Set the burrito trap
My wife told me last month that while I was sleeping I said, “Set the burrito trap.”
She said she asked me what that was… I have no clue, but would like to know myself. —porkfatrules
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If you were a caterpillar…
My SO does this almost every night: “Baby… if you were a caterpillar…”
Her: “What… what would do you with all those legs?” —basemodel
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I love you because…
I said to my fiancé in my sleep: “I love you because you have such long antennae.” —YodaPie
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The King of Kites
Once a friend told me that I went on in my sleep about how great Benjamin Franklin was, and referred to him as the “king of kites” more than once. —Shatakai
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Mother! Fetch me my cape!
My friend once yelled, “Mother! Fetch me my cape!” to his mother’s bemusement. —PneumaticPtarmigan
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I want pizza…
Just last week, my eight-year-old daughter rolls over in my bed where she’d fallen asleep and said, “mmmmm… I want pizza. (pause) And a beer.” I nearly fell out of bed laughing. —tanyagal2
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It’ll mess up your circuits
My mom told me I once said, “Don’t go to that party R2, they have spaghetti. It’ll mess up your circuits.” Honestly I have no idea. —KingMiguelMCID
My dad was coming out of surgery. Sat up, pointed at my mom and said, “after I get rid of her, I am going to clown school.” He then laid back down and went back to sleep. —danmanne
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I once told my ex I had to push the plants deeper into the plant pots, while simultaneously pushing her out of bed with both hands. —Ninja_Guin
All your wishes will come true
I once heard a friend say, “Just put it in the washing machine, and all your wishes will come true.” —RelentlessBlount
My boyfriend, who is a horticulture major and works hybridizing roses, suddenly grabbed my arm in his sleep and said in a rather suggestive voice, “Sooo… are any of your seedlings repeat bloomers?” —Reddit User
From my boyfriend: A really big exasperated sigh followed by “Pants with buttons. GROSS.” —cheshire_brat
It’s just the light
My wife: “It’s OK honey, it’s just the light. You don’t really look like a girl” —lotsalotsacoffee
If you paint it pink…
My ex talked in her sleep a lot. One time that really stands out, she said, “If you paint it pink, it’ll be worth more and last longer.” —electricballroom.
It’s so simple
Was travelling Australia with my girlfriend. She chuckled and said, “It’s so simple. We get the koalas to do the washing up.” —ashpow
According to my friends, they had asked me a question not realizing that I was asleep and I responded with, “just put it in the iTunes refrigerator.” —VelocityRAPTOR33
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My Dad: “Oh no! Burritoed!” —mandlebar
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