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The 61 Most Ridiculous Excuses People Actually Used to Get Out of Work

If you're planning on playing hooky, you're going to have to try a bit harder than these folks...

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llama wouldn't stop barfingNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Sick llama

An employee couldn’t come in because his llama wouldn’t stop barfing.

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ate cat foodNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Tummy troubles

An employee called in sick because he ate cat food instead of tuna and was deathly ill.

Take a break at your cubicle and laugh with our collection of cartoons about office life.

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stuck in the blood pressure machineNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Stuck on you

An employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn’t get out.

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retrieving belongings from the dumpsterNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Dumpster diving

An employee’s wife found out he was cheating, and he had to spend the day retrieving his belongings from the dumpster.

You won’t believe these outrageous lawsuit stories are true!

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broke his armNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

#Priorities

An employee broke his arm reaching to grab a falling sandwich.

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poisoned him with hamNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What’s your poison?

An employee claimed his grandmother poisoned him with ham.

Don’t miss these 75 short jokes anyone can remember.

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fortune-teller asked him not to step out of the houseNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Potential brain damage

The employee said that he couldn’t come to work because his fortune-teller had asked him not to step out of the house or he would suffer a brain hemorrhage.

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accidentally got on a planeNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Blowing the coop

An employee couldn’t come to work because she accidentally got on a plane.

In need of some professional motivation? This hilarious collection of jokes about work should banish even a serious case of the Mondays.

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lucky nightNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Walk of Shame

An employee had a “lucky night” and didn’t know where he was in the morning.

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funeral of his wife's cousin's petNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Family ties

An employee had to attend the funeral of his wife’s cousin’s pet, because he was an uncle and pallbearer.

On a more serious note, here are some common phrases you should never say at a funeral—and what to say instead.

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someone glued her doors shutNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

No way out

An employee said that someone glued her doors and windows shut so she couldn’t leave the house to come to work.

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teeth flew out the windowNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Dental drama

An employee’s false teeth flew out the window while driving down the highway.

Don’t miss these bizarre excuses people used in car insurance claims.

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his fish was unwellNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Sick fish

An employee refused to come to work because his fish was unwell.

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ozone in the air flattened his tiresNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Something in the air

An employee claimed the ozone in the air flattened his tires.

Check out these real-life stories of the world’s dumbest criminals.

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bowling the game of his lifeNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Lucky strike

An employee was bowling the game of his life and couldn’t make it to work.

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at the casino all weekendNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Show me the money

An employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.

Discover the things lottery winners will never, ever tell you.

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bats got in her hairNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Bad hair day

An employee said bats got in her hair.

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was bitten by a duckNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Mighty ducks

An employee said she was bitten by a duck.

Don’t miss these 50 bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.

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traumatic stress from a large spiderNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Buggin’ out

An employee was experiencing traumatic stress from a large spider found in her home, and had to stay home to deal with it.

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suffering from a hangoverNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Honest Abe

The employee said he’d gotten drunk the night before and was now suffering from a hangover.

From coast to coast, here’s each Canadian province’s signature hangover cure.

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uniform on fireNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Microwave mistakes

An employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.

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in a good moodNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Oh happy day

An employee woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it.

From a thief returning a stolen car with a full tank of a gas to a multi-million dollar maple syrup heist, here are the most Canadian headlines of all time.

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child stuck a mint up his noseNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Mint emergency

An employee’s child stuck a mint up his nose and had to go to the ER to remove it. (In this employee’s defense, this is a pretty believable excuse.)

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grandmother was being exhumedNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Law and order

An employee’s dead grandmother was being exhumed for a police investigation.

As these quirky tales prove, mail delivery is anything but a boring job.

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feeling too upsetNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Unhappy ending

An employee was feeling too upset after watching The Hunger Games.

These pop culture references will confuse anyone born after 1990.

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too many garage salesNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Money woes

An employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales.

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had to mow the lawnNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Duty calls

An employee had to mow the lawn to avoid a lawsuit from the Homeowners’ Association.

You’ll be glad these hilarious DIY disasters didn’t happen to you!

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a cow broke into her houseNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Holy cow

An employee said a cow broke into her house and she had to wait for the insurance man.

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forgot he had been hiredNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What job?

An employee forgot he had been hired for the job.

Here are 50 funny animal pictures that you need in your life!

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couldn't decide what to wearNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Fashion emergency

An employee couldn’t decide what to wear.

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got a cold from a puppyNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Puppy problems

An employee got a cold from a puppy.

Here are 15 dog cartoons to make every owner chuckle.

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locked himself in the houseNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Windowless house

The employee insisted he’d locked himself in his house by mistake and that the house did not have any windows to crawl out of.

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hurt his back chasing a beaverNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Leave it to beaver

An employee hurt his back chasing a beaver.

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blocked in by policeNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Room raiders

An employee was blocked in by police raiding her home.

These have got to be the weirdest things people have found after the snow melted.

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the meal he cooked