25 Cat Jokes That are Paws-itively Hilarious

You don't have to be a cat person to find these jokes purr-fectly delightful, but it might help.

Cat Jokes - Cats Have Nine LivesPhoto: Shutterstock.com / RD.ca

Cat Jokes For When You’re Just Kitten Around

Optimists: The glass is half full.
Pessimists: The glass is half empty.
Cat owners: The glass is knocked over.
@OhNoSheTwitnt

Q: How do French cats say, “Thank You”?
A: Meow-ci Beaucoup
—Buzzfeed.com

Q: Why are cats so good at video games?
A: They have nine lives.
@stobywan

Q: If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?
A: Their paws.
—Reddit.com

I saw a poster today that asked, “Have you seen my cat?”
So, I called the number and said that I didn’t. I like to help where I can.
@NorthernOvation

Q: Why are kittens actually excellent bosses?
A: They have great littership.
—Parade.com

Cat Jokes - Bob Cat tearing through paperPhoto: Shutterstock.com / RD.ca

Claw-Enforcement

Q: What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?
A: The purr-petrator.
—Reddit.com

I used to be in a band called “Missing Cat”… You probably saw our posters.
—Stewart Francis, comedian

Q: What do you call a feline with a short haircut?
A: A bob cat, of course
—Buzzfeed.com

Q: What do polite cats say when they’re in the way?
A: “Paw-don me! I’m furry sorry.”
—Buzzfeed.com

Q: What’s a cat’s favourite TV show?
A: Claw and Order
—Parade.com

Here are 25 knock-knock jokes that are genuinely hilarious!

Cat Jokes - Cool Cat In SunglassesPhoto: Shutterstock.com / RD.ca

Major Cattitude

Cats are more like “Hey, what are you up to? Never mind—I just remembered I don’t care.”
—Zoltan Kaszas, comedian

Me: *Sobbing* One minute he loves me and the next he wants nothing to do me!
Therapist: That’s pretty typical cat behaviour
@PetiteRainCity

Q: What animals can you not trust?
A: Big cats! Because some are cheetahs, and some are always lion!
@RealEllieMay

Remember, you don’t OWN a cat.
You know a cat.
@shanselman

Q: Why did the cat wear a top hat?
A: Beclaws he was feline sassy
—Buzzfeed.com

Q: What do you call it when a cat is super-stylish?
A: Haute-cat-ture.
—@petassure

Q: Why did the cat avoid eating lemons?
A: They made him a sour-puss.
—Parade.com

My cat loves me so much that sometimes he stares at me with that look of love that’s almost creepy.
—Debra DiGiovanni, comedian

Check out the funniest jokes from 50 up-and-coming Canadian comedians.

Cat Jokes - Mice KrispiesPhoto: Shutterstock.com / RD.ca

Cat Jokes That Will Give You Paws

A fun part of having a black cat is occasionally accidentally talking to a crumpled up black T-shirt on the floor
@SarahCAndersen

I make a lot of jokes about my cat, but I always think wouldn’t it be fun if my cat was making jokes about me to his cat friends? That would be awesome if my cat was at home going “What’s the deal with all the crying”?
—Debra DiGiovanni, comedian

 My husband is in the other room explaining to the cat that even though we are going to bed early, he (the cat) is welcome to stay up
@NikkiReimer

Somewhere there is a house cat that did more than I did today.
—Kristeen von Hagen, comedian

Q: What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
A: Mice Krispies.
—Reddit.com

Q: What’s a kitten’s favourite kind of sticker?
A: Scratch and sniff!
@utacampuscats

If these cat jokes gave you a giggle, don’t miss our countdown of the funniest Canadian jokes of all time.

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